So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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