Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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