So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
