what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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