someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
