please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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