hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
ttyl tear gas
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
