So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
