No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
