The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
