i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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