Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
