Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
