i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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