College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
