I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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