I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
