Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
