tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
