hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i think i just lost a toe
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
