Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize