just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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