Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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