then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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