I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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