My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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