does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
