Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
