the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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