Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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