A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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