he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
