Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She's the barista slut.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
