I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize