so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
