Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
