true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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