hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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