Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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