youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
