why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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