Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
