I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
