She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize