so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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