I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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