butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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