My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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