airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
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She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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