dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
