we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
