I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
