Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
