I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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