I wish I could teleport
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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