I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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