I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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