I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
