I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
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