We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
