at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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