I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
