brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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