$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
