That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My vagina is very pro this idea
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
