you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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