I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
