ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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