Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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