There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
