Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
