i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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