Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
