I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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