It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
