You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
