I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
