3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
