Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
