Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
