I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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