I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize