why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
