Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
