I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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