Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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