He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
