I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
